she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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