I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
