we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
