last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
