so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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