I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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