In the future we'll all be gay
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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