we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
