i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
