Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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