I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
