I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
