this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
