what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
