so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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