went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
