Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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