I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
