you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
