i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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