This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
