I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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