so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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