I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
