Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
