Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
