You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
