so explain again why im purple
no
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
