pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we're making bets on your personal life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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