I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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