i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
