i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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