Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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