Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
