I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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