Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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