i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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