You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
