I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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