Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
