Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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