oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
