New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
