New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
