I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
