We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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