i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize