So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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