Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize