Can i not drive my cunt home
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I want her autograph on my taint
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
