it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
