well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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