so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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