Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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