You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
