found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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