Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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