my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
