Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
