at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
