So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was born a porn star she said
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
