I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
