Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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