Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
