I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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