My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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