You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
